I'm done with undergrad. Completely and utterly done. It's nice and annoying all at the same time. In other academic news, it seems that everyone and their mother is a more impressive applicant than I. Whatever.
Christmas came and went. It was very anticlimactic. Christmas eve was spent at a Jewish friend's families' home at sabbath (?) friday dinner. (yes, sabbath friday dinner is redundant) Then, I spent Christmas with same said family. We had left over dinner, went to see Ocean's 12, and played Super Monkey Ball 2 and Star Munchkins (card game similar to Magic the Gathering). Very geeky, dorky, and fun. We played till 9am. We had breakfast and parted to fall asleep at our respective homes.
Otherwise, earlier, on the tuesday that i finished my last final (21st), I got shit drunk. I spent whole next two days nursing my hangover. Yeah. I got a bit too excited there.
J is trying to set me up with a cute classmate of hers. He's a paralegal who's going to night school for a psych BA. He's adorable in a geeky dark haired way. Our nickname for him was "creepy guy." However, in reality, he is much cuter than creepy, and is quite charismatic and socially normal (J says he might be too normal for moi) when one approaches him. I have many issues with this... one being... that I am pessimistic and not interested in being set up. However, it is hard to deny interest in a charismatic creepy adorable guy. I dislike putting myself out there.
At one time... when my hair was long and curly, I was full of confidence. I think my confidence depends much on the condition of my hair. That and my shoes. These days, I've been feeling extremely unattractive. I hope to change that by acquiring new sexy lingerie and growing out my hair. We'll see how that goes. I do feel trendy with short hair. However, I feel more secure, attractive, and girly with long hair. I must remember this. I can look cute with short hair... but cute only goes so far. I cannot pull the sexy short hair look catherine zeta jones did in Ocean's 12. End of story. I end up looking too cute... young... and unsexy.
Everyone wants me to dye my hair multicolored again. I don't want to. I think people take me less serious, I look younger (see a pattern?), and I hate the texture my hair becomes. Really, I don't know why it excites other people to see my hair multicolored. They say they wish they can do it... they can... and they should. I think they want to live vicariously through me. Most of the time ... people do it for shock value... it is really unlikely that someone looks better with colored hair than not. (unless it is something like red. Red is a universally good color. I would dye my hair red if my complexion suited it. I think Reds make me look darker and yellow in an unsightly way.)
I don't really mind looking young. The thing is... I want to look luscious and sexually attractive. That usually doesn't coincide with cute well. Luscious doesn't... anyways. I do think short hair is fresher, unique, and long hair is very boring. That is the part that gets me. It is the paradox that I keep returning to. I can make some campy existential... phenomenological allegory... but I won't. (Kierkegaard - Fear and Trembling... paradox between the absolute and universal. The angst associated with wanting to clip my hair. People not wanting me to clip my hair. Then the anxiety and awkwardness... I feel with short hair. I'm some sort of knight of faith of the ordeal of hair!!!!! Ok. So terrible. Sorry. I lied.)
The SC@ is filled with dorky horny men. It scares me. The lot there is much of the socially awkward kind. A bit too much for me. I would want the bloke that I date to accompany me to SC@ shindigs, though... which might be too weird for most normal men. Such a conundrum. J thinks I need an abnormal understanding guy... at least with some geek quotient. I agree... but... more and more... the ones I find disappoint me.
These are the stupid things that are floating around in my head right now.
I am giving myself a vacation to bum around until Jan 10. Then I will join the outside world. I am spoiled with no academic merit... what so ever.
8:29 p.m. - Monday, Dec. 27, 2004
Recent entries:
resolves... rejection... rebirth - Friday, Feb. 18, 2005
unemployed.. and loving it. - Saturday, Jan. 22, 2005
graduation - Wednesday, Jan. 19, 2005
tech - Friday, Jan. 14, 2005
la la la I don't care about shallow dorky entries anymore! - Sunday, Jan. 09, 2005
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