There are a lot of paths that we choose. With each new choice, some doors close. Of course.
I was watching this anime called His and Her Circumstance. It's actually very nicely done. Very sweet and funny. At the same time, it manages to be sophisticated, different, and not shallow. It makes me pine for an innocent first relationship. I feel as if... I never had one. I was too much in a rush. Too curious. That isn't exactly true, though. And maybe, it still didn't come.
I do recognize my claim that I cannot do relationships... or that... saying that I will never be in a relationship is a sort of safety net. It's comforting to believe. Much safer. Maybe I will change my mind. I've had enough of emo boys. Where do I need to go to get me a manly man? Probably a dyke bar. (Mmm... L Word's Shane is beautiful and sexy. I would shag her.)
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My New Years? Spent at a movie theater. And at this south asian funeral ceremony. The second of January through the fifth was spent at wakes, funerals, and burials... etc. Not too much fun. It certainly put a damper on New Year's festivities. It's not too important, though. Obligatory funeral participation is never a bowl of cherries. I'm sick of funerals. I really am. I got enough of them the summer of 2003... and then in May. I always have to attend at least two funerals a year. What ... is that about? For the past three years. Two or more. Literally. Still... they aren't for me. So I will continue attending them in hopes that it comforts someone. Definitely not me... or the dead carcass.
When I die... I hope they burn my body and discard the ashes in the most cost effective way possible. I would like to do that for my parents, but I believe that I will get into heaps of drama and trouble. None of us are too keen for funerals... or care what happens to our bodies. (calling all necrophiliacs... harharhar) Really. I don't see what the fuss is about. Hopefully, the people I leave behind to do the ceremonies (or to not do them) are sensible about these things.
Sorry. Needed to get that out.
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I bought lingerie. Many bras... very sexy ones from victoria's secret's sale. I bought two night slip things. Very simple, white, cotton, but with a hint of sex. I bought myself a pink/purple merrywidow corset-type thing with detachable garters. Very pretty. It's ok, I will dress up for myself... and the bunny.
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Not only do I like to be alone... (I mean, I need to be alone. I'm an only child that way...) I think I like to be lonely... So the prospect of that doesn't bother me at all. It brings me this sick pleasure. "I told you so" of spite...
Is that sick, or what?
12:42 a.m. - Sunday, Jan. 09, 2005
Recent entries:
resolves... rejection... rebirth - Friday, Feb. 18, 2005
unemployed.. and loving it. - Saturday, Jan. 22, 2005
graduation - Wednesday, Jan. 19, 2005
tech - Friday, Jan. 14, 2005
la la la I don't care about shallow dorky entries anymore! - Sunday, Jan. 09, 2005
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